It's funny how a little dusting of color on the cheeks or a coat of color on the lips can bring such happiness to a woman! Some call it materialistic but to me, it's just therapy! - my life can get extreeemmeellyy hectic so before I face the world, I pause for just brief moment add color back into my world through makeup! I'm very passionate about beauty and makeup because its a passion that anyone - regardless of ethnicity, religion, social status, gender and political stand - can all share in harmony. I find something very comforting in that :)
Growing up, I always felt different. I always had too many questions and not enough answers while the people around me looked content. Things got even more confusing when we migrated to another country and I felt even more different because now I also looked different from the people around me. We were also struggling very hard with money at the time. As a child, it was hard to tell as my parents fought hard to prevent us from ever feeling poor. But there was a time when I first felt the feeling of being underprivileged - It was when I was 12 years old and my mom broke down into tears because she wanted to but actually just COULD NOT give her children a simple 20 dollar note for pocket money because that meant we had to compromise on feeding ourselves. Needless to say, the struggle was VERY REAL at the time and like every stupid kid......I acted out. There was always a void in me I was trying to fill with every temporary high I could find like fake friends, partying and substances like alcohol and cigarettes. The funny thing was, I actually HATED smoking and drinking - and I'm not just saying that to look all innocent or whatever. The truth is I WISH I stopped smoking and drinking for moral reasons but honestly, I just think it tastes DISGUSTING!! Regardless, at the time I ignored my distaste for the substance and did it to "be like everyone else". I became a doormat just to fit in and block out the feeling of being alone. This continuously got worse and worse and the thought of a God didn't even run pass my head once during those years. Sure, I went to church - but only because I "had to" - which made me resent the idea of a religion more. Alhamdulillah there came a day where I looked at myself and realized I deserved better and I literally told everyone who continuously used me and walked all over me to f*** off!!
Growing up, I always felt different. I always had too many questions and not enough answers while the people around me looked content. Things got even more confusing when we migrated to another country and I felt even more different because now I also looked different from the people around me. We were also struggling very hard with money at the time. As a child, it was hard to tell as my parents fought hard to prevent us from ever feeling poor. But there was a time when I first felt the feeling of being underprivileged - It was when I was 12 years old and my mom broke down into tears because she wanted to but actually just COULD NOT give her children a simple 20 dollar note for pocket money because that meant we had to compromise on feeding ourselves. Needless to say, the struggle was VERY REAL at the time and like every stupid kid......I acted out. There was always a void in me I was trying to fill with every temporary high I could find like fake friends, partying and substances like alcohol and cigarettes. The funny thing was, I actually HATED smoking and drinking - and I'm not just saying that to look all innocent or whatever. The truth is I WISH I stopped smoking and drinking for moral reasons but honestly, I just think it tastes DISGUSTING!! Regardless, at the time I ignored my distaste for the substance and did it to "be like everyone else". I became a doormat just to fit in and block out the feeling of being alone. This continuously got worse and worse and the thought of a God didn't even run pass my head once during those years. Sure, I went to church - but only because I "had to" - which made me resent the idea of a religion more. Alhamdulillah there came a day where I looked at myself and realized I deserved better and I literally told everyone who continuously used me and walked all over me to f*** off!!
To this day, I wholeheartedly believe that Allah was looking out for me because it was such a spontaneous epiphany and I am scared to even think of where I would be now if I did snap out of my destructive habits during that time. I took the time to be alone for a year or two and get to know myself and find my identity. Fast forward..... I went to university and surrounded myself with good people. I left all the highschool drama behind, focused on my education and becoming a better person in general. Everything was great but there was still this emptiness inside of me. I really can't pinpoint the time when it happened but I remember looking around and realizing that majority of my friends were muslim. I remember thinking about western media and everything they had to say about Islam and terror and then looking at my friends and their families. I experienced an unsettling feeling of dissonance as the description of muslims in the media did not fit my real life experiences with muslims. And so it made me wonder why the media went out of its way to paint them in this negative light. The media always claimed that muslims are this and that and they believe in this and want to do that...etc. But then I looked at my friends and their families and they were NOTHING like how the media portrayed them to be. The feeling of dissonance was too strong and so I looked for answers. What is a muslim? And what do they truly believe in? I looked into their primary source which is the Holy Qur'an. As I learned more and more about Islam, I saw more and more of myself. What is a muslim? I am a muslim.
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